I have never written a DeviantART Journal, and it seems as good of time as any to start one. I used to keep a journal when I was young, but that was more of an examination of others, than myself. I already knew who I was when I was young, not so much anymore.
It's lunch break at school. I don't have an appetite. In fact, I haven't had an appetite in several… weeks. I ate various Halloween candy items yesterday. Mmm? I hate candy. I think that I have lost all interest in the pleasure I once got out of eating… or life… for that matter. I don’t enjoy anything anymore. Writing and drawing are the only activities I can say I find pleasurable as of late, as well as spending time with a select few people.
Today I spent a lot of time I should have used more wisely, to think about a lot of things. Not that I am not constantly thinking more than I should. *eye roll* Sometimes my thoughts go farther than I would like them to. Anyway, I thought about Brian. At first I was frustrated because I thought that he should have had the decency to stand up for me and defend my name against those attacking it. I was a little hurt he was sarcastic about the situation rather than defensive. I switched my thought process (which is extremely rare, by the way) and considered that what he did may have been best. You don’t always need to prove something to somebody. I know what I have done, and what I have not done. I want to do sexual things with him when we are in the situation, but when I am in my right mind I know I do not want to, more so. Anyway, time and effort should not be wasted on those who decide to be immature about situations. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pissed about the whole fucking thing they are doing, and all I really want to do is kick Mitch until he bleeds something foul and unnatural. GAHhjldyhjkshkdjhdjkhdjk….

Inhale. Pause. Exhale. Visualize light. Repeat.

I really need to get back to my spiritual self. Somewhere along the way I gave into my negativity and pursued a life of depression and anger. I am so angry… angry at everything and everyone. I am hoping that today I can get all my homework that I am behind in done, and also get my room clean. It’s so fucking jam packed with negative energy and things that love to feed off it. I want to start practicing reiki once again, because it’s such a waste to deny my natural ability to do so. I am wasting so much. I should kick my wannabe environmentalist ass.